No More Procrastination

OK, I’ve put this off long enough. In the beginning, I had originally planned to give weekly updates of my recovery progress. I am recovering from a total knee replacement of my left knee on September 9th. If you read my first post, only then to be disappointed that they did not continue, you’re not the only one.

There are a lot of reasons why I have not kept it up. Mostly however, is this recovery has been way more difficult than I thought it would be. My pain levels at times have been unimaginable. I am sure the chronic pain issues that I have suffered for years are big factors and all of them combined with the added pain of major surgery have made a sort of a “perfect storm” for pain! I have good days and bad days. The bad days usually follow too much activity, either self-inflicted or unintentionally cause by PT. (Physical Therapy)

I truly appreciate every prayer and well wishing from all. To be honest, I can’t see the other side from here but I am confident that these prayers will win the day and I will see a new tomorrow.

Moving Forward

So last Tuesday I had my 6-week surgery follow up. My surgeon could see that there was a lot of swelling still. This explains my lack of flexion or the ability to bend the new joint properly. He also checked the extension. He feels although it was not completely flat, it would eventually be.

He suggested that I take time off from PT, prescribed prednisone, light personal PT on my bike (only 1/4 of the way around then back) and wants to see me in 2 weeks. I was happy with that because I was in a lot of pain from Monday’s therapy. So we’ll see.

Thursday PM

I felt so great Thursday (Octoberr 24th) that I did what I considered to be a tiny bit of activities. Yet certain “others” whom I’ll leave unidentified for personal reasons, may have a differing opinion. Anyway, here’s what I did … Took the trash bins to the street and later brought them back. I did my bike thing 3x for 2-1/2 minute sessions throughout the day. Did 15 minutes (or so) worth of light gardening in the afternoon. (because it was such a nice day)

By 10pm, I had became sadly aware that I had done way too much. Pain level rose to the ugly numbers. Since then, it’s been a real struggle. I can’t sleep well, which impedes my healing progress. It seems that every body part hurts. I have such high anxiety over ROM (range of motion), work, family and whatever else my seemingly unstable mind thinks.

Figuring It Out

I could take the ultra Christian “faith” view where all of these things are attacks against me to keep me down. To which I respond easily, it could be. Or I could take a more conservative Christian view which expresses faith that God can heal instantly, over time, though the skill of a doctor or even by death. And then there is a more secular or worldly view which goes something like this, “Dude! They took a hammer and a saw to your knee. What were you expecting? Of course you’re gonna have pain. And it’s gonna take time to heal, a long time

I actually feel that I can believe all these views and still have much faith. I’m learning the older I get and the more pain that I suffer, there is only one problem. We are made out of dirt.

For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.

Psalms 103:14 (NKJV)

So, I’ll push on in all my fragility, trying to keep my eyes clearly focused on that which I know. My God is with me.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Jason Mann

    “…give me faith, to trust what you say…”

    It is interesting that you mention the three possible out looks to the situation you find yourself in. The Ultra-christian, the conservative christian, and the secular view. You know me and you know I always tend to lean toward the Secular version of these types of things. That being said, I have recently been through my own…we’ll call it…recalibration of faith. I have found, through my own struggle with what to believe about what God will or won’t do in any situation, that maybe what I believed about faith, wasn’t how it really works.

    I mean to say that I have heard every sermon or wise teaching out there on prosperity and having more faith than a mustard seed to move mountains. Still i think those messages are incorrect on the use of faith. I believe that faith is not believing hard enough or wailing loud enough, so that God will hear you. I believe that faith is trust in God, come whatever may. I believe that faith CANNOT be linked to any particular outcome. Faith is not useful if it just does the thing you hope for if you are in good enough standing with God at the time that you decide to have faith.

    At a time when I was surrounded by people telling me that they are believing for this and praying for that…I knew that something was off. I kept thinking about Job and what he went through. Basically The Devil came to God and said, “Well,of course he likes you! You give him everything! Take that away and he will curse you!” So God said, “I’ll take that bet!” Job had his stuff taken from him…and he trusted God. Job had is friends taken from him…and he trusted God. Job had his family taken from him…and he trusted God. The story here is not the power Job’s faith, or some sort of inhuman ability to endure. It is that Job understood that faith in God has nothing to do with the outcome. It is a trust that God…is God…and that He does the things He says He will do…and that He is who He says He is.

    At that time that I was faced with this revelation of what faith is, and what it is used for, I began to see my own prayers differently. I quit asking for specific outcomes. I began prayers with affirmation and recognition of the blessings I do have in my life. I would voice my concerns and struggles to God. I would tell Him that I was scared. And finally I would ask Him for strength to endure, whatever is next. I had to come to grips with the idea that the outcome is not part of what I get to be involved with when it is out of my hands. That is why they say, “It’s out of my hands.” Like Shadrac, Meeshac, and Abednego, I believe they resigned for God to do whatever He was going to…even if that meant letting them die. I have never told my wife this, but I had to come to a point where I could honestly say, “Even if you take her from me…I trust you.” That…Was…Hard.

    I write this novel for two reasons. 1. I get in a flow and it just comes out. Most importantly though…2. I believe that God taught me something about faith, and I am determined to share it with others. I did not, however, think that I would be sharing this with my dad. I assumed he has been everywhere I have. But, alas, he has not. So, I hope you find some strength in these words. Not comfort, but strength, because I believe that is what faith is supposed to be. Strength, not comfort.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.